I went to visit my boss on the golf course with my baby. He was surprised to see me and advised that it was probably better if we went home. I told him that I was disappointed because I had worn the tee shirt that I designed that I wanted everybody to see. It was a white tee shirt that looked like I just dripped white wax all over it -- not attractive at all.
That's all I remember. Not sure what it means. Dreaming of my boss usually tells me that I am referring to the "boss" part of me -- the part that is in control of the rest of me. The baby is a part of me that is still immature. Could the golf course be referring to the "course" my life is on at the moment? "The boss" wanted me to go home because I wasn't ready to be there yet? And the tee shirt I designed is the path that I designed -- most unattractive that it was. Maybe I need to re-design my life's course and grow up a little more?
© John Bell Young. It is used with permission.
I finally remembered a dream this morning. It was very strange though, but not in the sense that dreams are usually strange. This dream was strange because I didn’t personally identify with any of the characters. It almost felt like I was watching a movie.
It takes place someplace in history (maybe the Old West of the 1800’s?). There is a man that seems to be a shady character with good intentions. He is married to a woman who seems to accept this character flaw because she knows he has good intentions.
They come into town and go into a hotel. The room is very small. They don’t seem to have any luggage. The woman is going everywhere around town in her nightdress wearing a coat to cover it up. The man seems to be fully dressed at all times.
The husband starts bragging about how he is a writer (he squeezes the wife’s hand as he says this and this is the only time that I can identify myself with him). They are putting on a play in town and the husband agrees to write it.
After the play is over, one of the townspeople recognizes the play and knows that the husband didn’t write it. They start to come after the husband and wife. They are aware that they’ve been “found” and are trying to sneak out of town. I wake up.
I find it difficult to interpret this because I don’t identify with any of the characters. I can only assume that means that all of the characters are repressed parts of me or parts of me that I won’t accept. The man with a shady character pretending to be a writer (with good intentions) is probably my deep seated insecurity about whether I am REALLY a writer or not. And the “good little wife” that goes along with anything her husband says – BEEN there, DONE that – she doesn’t exist any more. That’s interesting because it takes place in history – it’s over and done with -- in the OLD West – is it pointing to the OLD me?
If that’s the case then the woman wearing a coat “covering up” her nightdress (the “real her”) is definitely how I would describe the “old” me. And for that matter "There is a man that seems to be a shady character with good intentions. He is married to a woman who seems to accept this character flaw because she knows he has good intentions," describes me and my ex-husband to a "T".
The hotel would symbolize a “temporary” dwelling place – that former life was just a temporary stop along the road of my life. When one of the townspeople recognize the play was not his, the dream is telling me that I recognized that I was not being honest with myself. We are then “sneaking out of town” -- I divorced my husband.
Hmmm, maybe I identified with the characters more than I thought???
I am still not remembering my dreams, though this morning I did have a few vague impressions which immediately faded. Also wanted to note that another of my subconscious' defense mechanisms is insomnia -- usually several nights in row. The way I see it, if one of the functions of dreams is to uncover repressed memories this is in direct opposition to the function of repressed memories. Once a memory is repressed it is the subconscious' duty to protect it at all costs. Dreaming is a threat, so I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, I can't dream, and the repressed memory is safe. I didn't sleep for several nights this week. Again, this is not at all unusual for me, I often have periods of insomnia -- nothing helps. I've tried meditation, warm milk, music. At some point exhaustion wins and I sleep -- and I don't recall any dreams.
I have not made an entry in a month because I am not remembering any dreams. I go through long periods where I simply can not remember any of my dreams. It is very disconcerting to me because I wake up in a fog and feel as though I didn't sleep, even though I don't remember lying awake all night either.
I believe (I've never read anything about this in all of my reading on the subject of dreams) that it is a defense mechanism of the subconscious. I know that I have lost or repressed memories that I have been trying in vain to uncover. The evidence is in the dream entries of Feb/March -- numerous references to not being able to gain access to "files" and garbled or miscommunicated messages and directions.
I have no doubt that I am dreaming, for it is a basic function of the human mind and one can not NOT dream. So even though one of the purposes of dreaming is to deal with repressed memories, my subconscious is still afraid to allow me to recall them, so I am not remembering them upon waking.
Again, this is only my theory and I've never read anything to substantiate it. It is possible that something else is going on that I have no knowledge of. I am open to any and all suggestions and comments regarding this, so if you have one please email me -- bobbie@bobbieann.net.
Go to Feb/March Dream Journal
Go to Symbol Dictionary.
